Fear = Hate

I'm a fucked up kid deep down inside. A fucking breakup changed me so much. Brought so much fears and pain to me. The fear of falling in love again, fear of a relationship, fear of my flaws not being accepted, fear of another heart pain, fear of putting in so much effort and yet got nothing in the end, fear of trusting people.I just want to find a right one for me. Willing to prove me wrong about love, our characters are similar etc. But then they said, when love comes, you can't even escape from it. I escaped it by doing a constant comparison with you. Kept on telling myself that I will find someone exactly like you. 

For I trusted you so so so so much that you would never leave me. This is really hard for me to see you moving on with a new love and yet forgets about me. I'm tired of trying to act like I'm happy everyday. Tired of holding back my tears. Tired of feeling lonely and not belonged everyday. I hate you for ruining me.