Days like this

Is not that I can't put down the past, learn from mistakes and be somemore better. It's just that there will definitely be a few days when you really feel like shit and you go like, 'Fucking hell I really hate myself'. I already tried to ignore everything and be happy. But I guess it is just that I have been keeping everything inside me and I can't take it anymore. Maybe sleeping after crying helps for that moment but I can still feel the pain the next morning. Around the same time last year, we had such great memories but look, what happened now? I can't fully blame you for leaving me because I know I'm not a good person. Always gossiping, always commenting/judging people, no slim figure, no pretty face, no nice character. I thought giving my best was good enough, I thought sacrificing was enough. The bad memories have been haunting me recently and I can't stop thinking that I'm a total failure. Such things happened to both my relationships and made me really very depressed. Why can't people just love me for who I am? 

My birthday is coming and I'm really not looking forward to it. Always wanted a special someone to celebrate with me, give me some handmade stuff/card and make me feel like a princess on that day. But meh, i think this little wish will never come true. And I saw all our photos in the old laptop, including the twenty plus photos for your birthday. 不是每个东西都会有回报的，这个道理，我学会了。付出再多，这一辈子也不会有回报。

Days like this made me miss the friendship I had in secondary school. A clique which spilt into 2 due to some lame reasons. And just because everyone chose to fuck care and let the friendship just drift off like this. 4 years of friendship and hardship that we all have been through, just end up like this? 

I know I can overcome all these. It's just a matter of time. I will prove everyone wrong.