Fucked up

I really dk how to explain my feeling right now but just have to know that i'm so fucked up. Why do i always have to bottle up my feeling, then break down, be okay for a week & feel fucked up again. I know i can never be someone else's priority if i continued being like this. But it is really very difficult for me to get over so fast. I realized that i still can't trust love and all the nice things people said to me. Why must you destroyed me so badly why why why. I cried so hard that i have to force myself to stop crying. Crying helps to relieve the pain i really can't take this pain anymore