S-ANDRAAAA

Have been trying extremely hard to get over this love. I can't rush myself to get over. All these have to take a long period of time & i have to do it slowly. Right now, I'm still in the process of it.

I don't know whether it is still love or what, I feel numb but I often think of you. Especially this holiday. Thinking of you before i sleep, waking up thinking of you. Okay actually thinking about the way of life I had when i actually had you. I just can't help it. I just can't get used to being alone. I just can't understand why you would suddenly ask for a break that night. 

All of a sudden, there's no one who will be on standby mode to accompany me anywhere i want to go. Nobody puts me as a priority anymore. I always would plan ahead what we would be eating that day because you would know I'm craving for it. Right now, I can't immediately satisfy my craving because there is no one to accompany me. 

There is no particular person who will accompany me to watch the movies i want to watch. Everyday my phone will be so silent. There is no you to talk to the whole day, no goodnight messages, no goodmorning messages, no one that i can tell everything to anytime. Do you miss having a particular person that you can do/talk everything with/to? And ask her out anytime you want? Ask her to accompany you to anywhere you want? She knowing everything you need & how you are feeling & always be there for you if you are feeling down? Or... you really forgot me & no longer give a fuck to me anymore? 

I remembered how you would encourage me when I feel so stressed up & tired. You would always be there to give me a hug or pat & just calm me down. Or help me carry my bag cause I was really so tired. Or give me your shoulders to lie on. Right now i just can't get use to dealing all these alone. I over-relied too much on  you. It hurts so so so much now. 

Recently, I saw a lot of '11.11' & '1.11' & I sneezed twice a lot. We used to believe that we were missing each other if either one of us saw those 2 timing or sneezed twice. Most of the times it was true. But now, I don't know if i should believe that you are missing me a not. I don't want to give myself a false happiness that you are missing me. Because i know you wouldn't be missing me. 

This is not love or trying to patch back or what. Just want to know, if your love for me was true & if I still have something that you miss. Not something you hate so much....